It is a long way down
by Lady Carlton
Summary: One-shot. After Cas returns as the new boss upstairs, Sam finds himself struggling with what happened to the wall inside his head.. mainly because he never expected it coming from someone he considered a friend.


**So, this is something that came up while I was listening to a Daughtry song, but what really inspired me was this Demi Lovato song entitled "Skyscraper".**

**I'm not particularly excited with it but oh whatever.. **

**DISCLAIMER: I own pretty much nothing but my imagination **and creativity! ****_Which, by the way, can be really really lame sometimes.._

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><p>Sam was standing outside Bobby's house alone. Dean and Bobby were asleep inside, but the youngest Winchester couldn't just lie down, close his eyes and have some rest. Not now.<p>

Ever since Cas willingly messed up the wall that Death raised inside his head to keep him from remembering hell, Sam was struggling with the memories that kept flooding through the huge crack.

Cas didn't put it all down, but he damaged it enough so Sam, and by consequence, Dean could stop prying into his business.

Sam stood there, in the middle of the night for quite a long time and he barely noticed when it started raining. At first it was just a drizzle but then it became a storm.

For the first time in a very long while, his mind went blank. No flashbacks from downstairs, no memories of Lucifer and Michael, nothing. Just quietness.

Sam looked up with his eyes closed, allowing the pouring rain to his face merciless. The sensation of the cold water lashing his warm skin was obliviating - he was barely paying attention to the world around. Until a lightning strike made him remember someone who he thought it was a friend.

Castiel.

It was because of him that Sam had to deal with the surveillant eyes of Dean and Bobby almost 24/7. He knew that they were just making sure that Sam was alright and the wall didn't tumble completely - according to Dean and Death, if such thing happened it would be the end of the young Winchester.

The image of the almighty Cas appeared in his head as a second lightning crossed the sky.

Sam brought his head back and stared at the darkness of Dean's car; he took the Impala's keys before leaving the house. He had to be careful because his older brother was lying on the sofa at Bobby's den and Sam didn't want to wake him up - he needed some time alone. He loved his brother and Bobby so much, but he was starting to feel suffocated by them.

When he finally moved, Sam walked towards the car that once belonged to his father. He knew Dean would be pissed if he woke up and learned his beloved car wasn't there, but it didn't stop Sam from jumping behind the steering wheel, starting the engine, pull out of Bobby's Yard and drive.

He wasn't looking for any place in particular; he was just driving with no directions. It wasn't like him but he just wanted to get away for a while.

When he finally stopped, Sam noticed he had parked the Impala next to some sort of mountain cliff, somewhere down the road, outside Sioux Falls.

Taking his phone from the inside pocket of his jacket, Sam turned it off and tossed it inside the glove compartment.

The rain was starting to stop so Sam left the car and leant on the hood and stared at the dark abyss in front of him. He was so mad with Cas and he didn't even mind if he was the new man in charge upstairs.

Ever since he was a kid, Sam Winchester believed in angels and in the existence of a bigger force; now, his faith was shaken. He couldn't accept the fact that there was god that deliberately gave up on everything. That didn't make any sense.

"IS THAT YOUR VERSION OF GOD, CAS? HUH? BECAUSE IT IS PRETTY CRAPPY!"

Sam didn't expect any response to that, but when the silence absorbed his screams, he felt this wave of anger rising within him and taking over his body.

"WHAT A GREAT CHIEF YOU'LL BE! SCREWING WITH PEOPLE'S LIFE! TEARING THEM APART! THAT IS **FANTASTIC**!"

Sam was in the middle of nowhere and no one could hear his outburst, so he didn't bother keeping his voice low. He was screaming on the inside so, why not just let it all out?

"BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, CAS? **YOU ARE WRONG! **YOU THINK YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU THINK, JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE FROM HEAVEN YOU KNOW THE TRUTH BUT YOU DON'T!"

Sam was beyond mad with Cas that he didn't even flinch when the sound of his feathery wings agitated the air behind him.

"Watch your mouth, Sam."

Sam turned slowly to face the owner of that familiar husky voice; Castiel was standing by Dean's car and he had his game face on as always - and so did Sam.

They both seemed to sure of themselves and the tension between them was growing by the second.

"Or what?" said Sam defiantly. "Huh? You'll snap your fingers and pulverize me from Earth to finish the poor job you did when you fucked up with the goddamned wall inside my head?"

"I wasn't trying to kill you, Sam." Castiel's voice was steady and deep. "I just wanted to keep you and Dean safe."

"Safe? So you were trying to save me?" Sam was smiling but it didn't mean he was happy, on the other hand, he was damn mad but Cas' words were too much. "What a way to save me, Cas. Really. The award of Good Samaritan goes to you. Congratulations."

"You mock, but even you have to admit that I was right. I stopped Rafael and the Apocalypse."

"Really? Goddammit, Cas! Can't you see what you're doing? What you're becoming?" Sam couldn't believe the Angel/God/whatever the fuck Cas was now. "You convinced yourself this is what was necessary and you try to justify!"

"I don't need to justify my actions to you, Sam. But I'm telling you, if I wanted you dead, you'd be dead so **don't push it**."

Cas words were edging threatening and Sam looked at him surprised.

"Wow.. Really, Cas.. Wow. Why is it that you can see how reckless you are? All these souls are getting to you, man!"

"I am no man, Sam. I've never been a man."

Sam shook his head weakly. "Right.."

Cas stood there without move one muscle. He looked like this odd statuesque with piercing blue eyes staring at Sam.

"You know, Cas.. I was the first one to believe in you, and you know why? Because I believed that in this crazy and messed up world where demons are real there should be the other part of it as well. I believed that despite all the darkness in the world, there should be some light. Some silver lining to just make all this shit worth it," said Sam. His eyes locked on Castiel's. "Ever since I was a kid, I believed that. Even though my mom didn't live to tell _me_ that angels were watching over us, even before I learned I had demon blood in my veins, I believed that.. And I prayed every single night. I prayed that I wasn't wrong. _I prayed_. And then you came up, and I thought, maybe - just maybe - the world as Dean and I knew wasn't that bad.. Turns out I was the darkest part of the family. But even when I chose to say _yes_ to Lucifer, I never gave up on faith. I had moments of doubt, yes. I had my moments of weakness, hells yeah. But I tried to make it right. Even though it would cost me the most important thing to me - and I'm talking about my family and not my life - **I tried to make it right**.." Sam made a pause and ran his hands through his hair. Turning his back to Cas for a while, he clenched his jaw frustrated.

"Until you took me back," Sam said, bringing his eyes back to Cas's. "I didn't ask for that, Cas. I told Dean he wasn't supposed to try to bring me back but you did. Why? Because I'm pretty sure God didn't commanded it! So, I was back but my soul was gone. And if that wasn't enough, after Dean found out a way to put my soul back with some sort of protection, you came and scratch that goddamned wall and you say you're trying to protect us? Me?"

Cas heard everything that Sam had to say without interrupt, but he needed to say something.

"You may not understand it now, Sam, but-"

"THERE ARE NO BUTS, CAS!" Sam exploded. "THERE ARE NO EXCUSES! WE ARE NOT YOUR FREAKING LITTLE PUPPETS THAT YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO!" He pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to breathe. "Human beings have feelings, and you can't just fool around with that.. Just like you can't play with them as it pleases you! Just because you have the power to break people down, take everything from them, it doesn't mean you can do that!"

Cas listened to that quietly; Dean had said pretty much the same thing a few nights ago.

"Sam, I will tell you this one time and one time only. I did what I did to protect you and your brother."

"You killed people, Cas! You murdered your own brothers and you worked with Crowley! C'mon! How do you expect us to believe that?"

"I'm your new god."

"A merciless god for what I see.."

"I am getting tired of your insolence, Sam." The say Cas said that sounded pretty intimidating. He also took one step forward, standing a bit closer to Sam.

Sam smiled sarcastically and, just like Cas, he took one step forward, standing inches away from him - personal space was long gone.

"Go ahead," said Sam through his teeth. "Finish what you started and send me back to where you deliberately took me out.. But just so you know, you don't get people's respect with threats or showing up your power. You have to earn it, Cas. And you should know that better than anyone."

Sam stared into Castiel's blue eyes and, even though he was standing in front of the most powerful creature he had ever met, Sam didn't flinch. The air around the was thick with the tension coming out of both bodies and it was hard to say which one of them was more intimidating - the former angel, now god, or the youngest Winchester who had went to hell and now was back.

With a snap of his fingers, Castiel put an end to all that, and send Sam back to where he was supposed to be.

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><p>"Sam! Sammy! Goddammit, talk to me Sam!" Dean had finally found his brother; he was lying inside the Impala.<p>

Dean couldn't believe he had closed his eyes for one second and Sam had left. Where the hell he had been? And why wasn't he waking up? But Sam's heart was still beating, and he could not consider the possibility of losing his brother. Not again..

"SAM!"

.

"Dean.."

Dean almost jumped out of his skin when he heard the weak sound of Sam's voice whispering in his ear; he was holding Sam's body for dear life and didn't notice when he opened his eyes.

"Sammy?" Dean didn't let go of his brother; he only pushed Sam apart a little bit to look at him. His eyes were finally open. "Thank God, are you alright? Where have you been? What the hell were you thinking?"

"Dean," whispered Sam one more time and Dean stopped asking too many questions, to ask only one.

"What, Sammy?"

"I can't.. breathe."

Dean finally let go of Sam. His brother was alive and breathing, and he didn't want it to change.

**_Go on and try to tear me down, I will be rising from the ground like a skyscraper._**

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><p><em>So, if you feel like sharing your thoughts, there's a review button somewhere below this. Thanks!<br>_


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